Of Heroes, Hollywood, and Awesome
by Esso
Summary: AU - Gilbert, a professional extra, is elated when he receives his first real acting job, since that accidental appearance in an energy drink commercial doesn't count, apparently. Too bad the cast of this stupid movie isn't nearly as awesome as he is.
1. Chapter 1

**Boring stuff before the actual story:**

Rated: T for Gilbo's bad mouth xD

Pairings: Austria/Hungary, Prussia/Hungary, US/UK, Germany/Italy, Russia/Belarus, {possible}Spain/Romano, France/Canada (*hides from Spaz*)

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia *gasp*

A/N: 1st person's not usually my thing, but I couldn't resist writing from Gilbo's POV - TOO MUCH AWESOME! xD So please don't kill me if it's awful! *beam* Oh, and I'm doing this in addition to two other fics, so I'll only continue this if people really, really, inordinately love this ^^;

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_**March 3, 20XX – Hollywood or bust!**_

I got off my shift at McDonald's early today – early enough to kick West's ass in COD a couple times before heading back in for the night shift. God, I hate my totally un-awesome life! I'm destined to become a movie star, I just know it, and damn it, I'll make it big. Bigger than that ass Francis, even!

Which is why I'm totally not as excited about this new job as I usually am. I haven't had a job since October, which was my first, actually. I was unwittingly a part of an energy drink commercial, and since then I have sworn to grace Hollywood with my awesome! And I've also decided to write my awesome adventures down, so that when some famous guy goes to write my memoirs for me, he'll get all the awesome facts straight. Or I guess it could be a girl, but it would have to be a really hot girl…

Oh, yeah, my new job. Well. I've been going to auditions like every good actor does, and apparently my awesome has been too much for them, since I haven't managed to get a job since October. So I've been hanging out with some real actors at bars, mainly because I like beer. And they also give me some pointers on how to make my awesome even more awesome, so I'm not surprised I landed this gig {that sounds really professional, doesn't it?}.

It's for some little company called Hetalia Studios {what the hell that means, I'm not entirely sure}. There's this first-time director, Elizaveta Something, who apparently needed someone dirt cheap. Since she was hot {and I was }, I was seriously jazzed when I got the callback. And now I'm even more seriously jazzed 'cause I got the job.

First day of work tomorrow! This is gonna be awesome! {but not as awesome as me, of course}

_**March 4, 20XX – I swear, my boss is a serial killer**_

Last night I called McDonald's and told them I quit, and this morning I woke up early and headed on over to the studios.

It wasn't as crappy-looking as I'd remembered. The building was a huge, ex-warehouse, where several productions were going on at once. I, of course, didn't get lost at all, but was merely exploring the hallways. Then this really pissed-off-looking Russian guy came and yelled at me for being late. He didn't believe me when I told him I wasn't lost.

Yeah, so the bastard told me his name was Ivan Braginski {Is that how you spell it? How the hell do you spell it?} and he was co-starring in my movie. MY MOVIE. {Technically it's that Elizaveta girl's movie, but I'm so awesome it should be my movie anyway}. And I'm not even starring in the damn thing! I'm kind of the evil albino villain. Antonio, one of my drinking buddies that also happens to be an agent, got the damn job for me, so I guess I'm buying on Friday night…

So the Ivan guy took me to the right place, and that's when it looked just as crappy as I remembered. The place was filthy {I hope that's just for the movie…} and most of the equipment looked old. Yeah. Like I said, this job sucks, but it's all I can get. Antonio claims that it'll get better…stupid overly drunk optimists.

Then my day got a hell of a lot worse when I saw that Elizaveta girl. And I know this sounds totally un-awesome, but she scares the shit outta me. She always looks like she's gonna freakin' murder someone!

She was talking to some random guy, while Ivan was blabbering about something that I totally wasn't paying any attention to. "Elizaveta!" he said, and the only reason I even noticed was because he yelled practically in my ear.

Then my evil boss turned around and glared at Ivan. So did the Random Man, I believe. "What?" she said.

"I have located the annoying albino you requested!"

"I'm not annoying, you bastard!"

They ignored me. I guess my awesome was too much for them.

"Great." I couldn't tell if she was as excited as she didn't look. Then _she_ started yelling. "Yo, people! Get in here so we can start this damn movie!

Then a crapload of people came in and it would be way too confusing to talk about it in a literarily awesome way, so I'm just gonna write down all of 'em and my awesome observations.

Roderich –the guy who's writing the soundtrack and the Random Man my evil boss was talking to

Elizaveta – my evil boss, who looks even more dangerous than Ivan. She's co-directing the whole thing, so I kinda have to put up with her. I'M NOT MENTIONING YOU IN MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECHE{S}, EVIL BOSS!!! TAKE THAT!

Ivan – other evil guy. He's freaking Russian! God, he scares the crap outta me too. But that's only 'cause he's infringing on my awesome! He's starring in the damn thing, so of course he's not awesome at all.

Feliks – He's a dude, I swear. Pink's not your color, man, I'm really sorry. Yeah. He was wearing a dress and proceeded to inform me that he's playing the heroine. He's a freaking valley girl {or at least talks like one}, so he's totally a more convincing girl than Elizaveta is.

WEST!!!!!!!! – Okay, I totally didn't expect my brother to be here! It's not my fault he didn't tell me he was co-directing a damn movie! He's all vague like that. And apparently him and Elizaveta did all the casting separately {he wasn't too jazzed that I was in the movie – guess he knows that he can't compete with my awesome!}

Francis – God, I'm still pissed about this. THE MOST FAMOUS JERK ACTOR IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS IN THIS MOVIE!! And no, those are all-caps of blinding rage, not ecstasy. Evil boss said that the movie was so cheap because they paid so much for Francis to be in it. Idiots.

Natalia – Her and Elizaveta, I swear, are gonna kill me. Literally. She's Ivan's sister, and apparently another actress. Oh, yeah, she's an even creepier stalker than her brother. Dude, she carries a damn knife around and threatens anyone who gets too close to her brother {*coughFRANCIScough* hey, the guy's a freaking pervert!}.

Kiku – creepily silent Japanese techie…I bet he's a ninja when no one's looking.

So then, after I met the creepy cast, Evil Boss went on to explain that we were making a movie of some popular book called "Twilight". The devil herself has never read the book, but Feliks had. So Feliks was giving us this whole summary of it, although I couldn't really understand him because he wasn't awesome enough and was talking fast so no one would hear his lack of awesome.

Finally, Evil Boss got just as pissed and yelled at him to shut up, muttering about needing some kind of weapon to keep the hooligans in order. See, I told you my boss wasn't awesome! Then her and West started handing out our scripts, which we were supposed to memorize by the end of the week. I know I'm awesome, but that's stretching it!

I managed to figure out that Feliks had the main role, some girl by the name of "Bella". He was squealing in a totally un-awesome way at this. Ivan was the other star, of course, since he was "Edward". At this, Natalia started glaring at Feliks. I have no idea what her problem is. Is she, like, the leader of an incest cult or something?

Anyway, Lilli, the sister/girlfriend/I-have-no-idea-what of Evil Boss's boss, would be playing "Alice", another supposedly important role. Lilli was suspiciously not there. Francis would be "Emmett", a slightly-less-than-starring role {this idea is so awesome that it had to have been West's}. There was some other guy that was supposed to be here, but was running late. That was _really_ pissing West off, I could tell.

And then Evil Boss told me I would be some dude named...God, I don't even know who I'm playing. But I know it's NOT an evil villain. I was kind of disappointed. At least the villains are kind of important!

Then, the doors flew open and some random guy was all like, "The hero has arrived!"

And then Evil Boss was all like, "Who the hell is that?"

And West is all like, "That guy that's running late."

Evil Boss: You hired that freak?

West: Yes.

Random Man: Um, HI!!!

Evil Boss: Hi. Who the hell are you again?

Random Man: Alfred F. Jones, the most awesome hero ever!

{I was slightly pissed at this guy's ego. Seriously, no one is more awesome than me!}

But then Evil Boss totally made up for that.  
"Alfred? Seriously? That's a sexy name." She had this totally straight face and even looked like she was glaring at him {which she probably was}. Alfred totally didn't know what to make of this.

"Um…so, what did I miss?" he said. No one said anything. It was very awesome.

Finally, Evil Boss was like, "You people do something. Ludwig and I have to talk with the smart people for a while." And then her and West just skipped away to do something.

Ivan, for some reason, had a pack of cards with him, so we played Go Fish for about three hours {but only because Alfred didn't know how to play anything else! It's not my fault that we got stuck with a totally un-awesome game! But Alfred was a beast at Go Fish, even if he swore he couldn't play poker.}

At about noon, Evil Boss came and told us that we could leave, since we wouldn't be doing anything else. Francis suggested a bar to eat lunch at, so me, Ivan, Alfred, and him ditched the girls {and Feliks, but he pretty much counts as one}. And maybe I take back my observations on Francis – he's pretty awesome.

I'll really have to introduce him to Antonio sometime.

So, after that I went home and now I'm writing down my whole stupid day. And, okay, I admit it. Maybe my life _is_ getting kinda sorta more awesome {if that were even possible!}

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**{longer} A/N: **And so the Bad Touch Trio begins :)

...I would love to see a sparkly Ivan xD *dumps glitter on everyone's favorite creepy psycho* That would make my life.

Oh, and sorry to any of you guys who like Twilight...the idea came to me and my friends when I was telling them about this and I was wondering about the plot for the movie, since, seriously, how many movies have albinos in them? And then Melon suggested that Gilbo be a sparkly vampire! xD

Don't worry, there'll be more characters introduced next chapter, I just didn't want poor Gilbo to have to write another list. And next chapter will be from someone else's POV! Ch 3 will be back to Gilbo {. yes, I just like calling him that}.

Sparkly Ivan loves reviews~!


	2. Chapter 2

**Boring stuff before the actual story:**

Rated: T for Gilbo's bad mouth xD

Pairings: Austria/Hungary, Prussia/Hungary, US/UK, Germany/Italy, Russia/Belarus, {possible}Spain/Romano, France/Canada (*hides from Spaz*)

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia *gasp*

A/N: This chapter is from Hungary's POV. ^^

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_**

_**March 6, 20XX – Day 3**_

So, Day 3 of moviemaking hell was moviemaking hell. Nothing on the level of Day One, of course, but it was still bad.

I'm starting to believe that my only source of sanity is going to be Roderich, the sound guy, Ludwig, my co-director, and Kiku, that techie guy {incidentally, were their mothers all high when they named these kids or something?}.

The bane of my existence, then, would have to be… all the others. No, scratch that. My boss would have to take that position, sorry kiddies.

Vash is a good guy, I try to tell myself. Sure, he keeps a freaking M16 in his office, but that's not peculiar at all. And _maybe_ he's a little overprotective of Lilli, and _maybe_ he forced me to put her in the movie, and _maybe_ he knows hiring me was a bad idea.

It's usually a clear sign that someone is totally inexperienced when they don't know where to begin.

That's why I keep talking to those three guys. It seems like everyone here has had something to do with movies, except me. I'm just a stupid Broadway castoff.

God, I really need to stop talking like that. I'm going to prove to Vash Zwingli that I'm worth every cent of the meager salary he's giving me. I know I'm not the best director ever…hell, I've never even _been_ a director before except for when I directed that play for an assignment during college. And now I'm directing the most low-budget movie on the face of the planet.

I'd have to say that the college play was much better than this movie.

I haven't even begun to start the acting part. Oh God, I don't even want to think about it. Today Francis was bugging me about it, and I finally told him to go practice his lines with Gilbert, since they both seemed to have to same mental capacity.

And I quote: "But, Elizaveta, you cannot expect me to work with _that_ hooligan!"

As if those two hadn't been drinking together after work last night. Seriously, I want to murder Vash for even _thinking_ of hiring that winey French guy. Oh, wait – Lilli's a fan. Anything for our poor, dear Lilli.

Great. Now I feel like murdering something again. Just thinking of that guy makes me _really_ pissed off. Does he think that just because he owns the studios, he can do anything he wants to?

Apparently he does. And, technically, he can.

I hate my life.

_Later_

Oops, sorry. Didn't finish my Francis rant.

So I get home and write this whole spiel about how much my life sucks, and then I get online and start reading fanfiction and normal nerdy-girl-in-her-20's stuff. Then my cell phone rings, and lo and behold! It's Francis the Frog!

He says something in French and then goes on to inform me that we should have a caterer, since all the movies he's been in have been catered. Right. I forgot how he was a star in his first movie.

His Mary Sue-ness makes me want to puke.

I didn't even bother being polite when I told him that we didn't have the money. He hung up, and then ten minutes later _Vash_ called me and told me Francis had threatened to quit if we didn't have a caterer. Then Vash threatened _me_ by saying that unless I hired a caterer for tomorrow, he would personally come to my apartment and shoot me {what a little creeper…}. So I basically had no choice but to agree.

I then proceeded to call Gilbert, which was a mistake. He wouldn't shut up about how he knew I'd call him eventually because he was so awesome and hey, did I want to go out with him on Saturday? I told him no, I wasn't calling him because he was awesome, no, I didn't want to go out _ever_, and did he happen to know the name of that bar Francis kept taking the guys to.

Gilbert relinquished the name, which I Googled. They had catering, thank God. So I called _them_ and talked to this British guy for a few minutes, basically ordering him to bring food to the studios tomorrow. From the sound of it, I think I scared the shit out of him. Good. All in a day's work for Elizaveta the Completely and Utterly Terrifying.

_**March 7, 20XX – Day 4**_

Day four of moviemaking hell was more insanity than anything else. First off, traffic was awful today and the taxi driver got pissed at me because I didn't tip him enough. It's not _my _fault that I'm underpaid!

So I walk in only 10 minutes late {note: Alfred and Gilbert weren't there either} and Vash just _happens_ to be in the studio and he's about to shoot my damn head off {how is this physically possible anyway?} until Lilli tells him no and tugs on his arm incessantly. But he still manages to give me a death glare. I can only be thankful that he's not the lecturing kind.

My boss-from-hell left pretty soon after that, so I was free to torture the underlings. Of course, the most obnoxious ones didn't arrive until… God, I don't even know how late they were. Then Gilbert asked me if his part was important the second he walked in the door. I'm very sorry, Gilbert, but "Sparkly Vampire #54" doesn't count as important.

Poor little Gilbo got pissed off at me, but I proceeded to ignore him. Instead, I talked to Roderich, Kiku, Ludwig, and Francis {since he's doubling as the fashion department as well} about boring movie stuff. I'm not even gonna repeat it here. I can't deal with writing down all the boring work stuff after living it.

Lunch finally came around and Francis was beyond ecstatic that we had catering. Gilbert was beyond ecstatic that they had beer. I wasn't ecstatic at all. I'm not one of those freaks who likes their job. Or their life at the moment. Yeah, I sound emo. What are you going to do? You're just a damn piece of paper.

The caterers were freaks. Two of them were Italian twins with weird hair curls. One of them was overly happy and was skipping and singing and giving everyone hugs. His brother was glaring at everyone and cussing people out. The third guy was British and had giant eyebrows. Seriously. It was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, and apparently him and Francis have this lifelong rivalry in which it is imperative to throw food at each other.

Then this hobo in a red hoodie came by and asked for food, but everyone forgot him after a minute or two. So he just kind of stood there the whole day. Alfred was the one who so graciously pointed this out to us. Francis kept trying to molest the poor hobo {who was really more of a teenager} and Eyebrows Caterer kept trying to murder Francis. Finally, we had to make Random Hobo leave, which we assured him was for his own benefit.

Then I realized that we'd managed to waste the whole afternoon. So I let all the hooligans go home early.

And…then something weird happened.

I was talking to Roderich about movie stuff while we walked to the parking lot, and we got to his car and I was going to catch a taxi and he was like, "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Where's your car?"

"Don't have one."

"Oh…" And then I expected him to just shut up. But no. "Then you can ride home with me."

That was one of the top five most awkward car rides of my life. He didn't say _anything_ except when he asked me for directions. Dude, if you're gonna give a girl a freaking ride home, you're hitting on her. SO SAY SOMETHING.

Tomorrow's Saturday, so I get the day off. Thank God.

_**March 9, 20XX – Day 5**_

Idiot-free weekend…yeah right. I don't even wanna talk about how majorly this _sucked_.

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**-OMAKE-** {because this chapter is terribly short}

"Alright, idiots, we've got some food here, so eat it," Angry Caterer grumbled.

"Lovi~ don't be so mean!" Happy Caterer pleaded with his brother.

The Evil Director was leaning against the break room's white laminate counter, arms crossed, trying to avoid the {hideously fake} potted ficus that was constantly getting in her face.

"Alfred, stop trying to sneak around behind that damned ficus!" Evil Director snapped.

"But it works so well in movies!" Egotistical Hero Man protested.

"Why the hell are you sneaking around anyway?"

"I'm trying to stay away from that Russian psycho."

"Which one?"  
"Ivan."

"C'mon, Alfred. He's _sparkly_."

"That's for the movie."

"Whatever. I'll have you know that I'm absolutely terrified of a sparkly Russian actor. It's not like he's gonna murder you with a…water pipe or anything."

"His sister would!"

"True."

"Would you like some pasta~?" Happy Caterer was now shoving a bowl of pasta at Egotistical-Hero-Ficus-Man and Evil Director.

"What the bloody hell?" Now Eyebrows Caterer had noticed the clump {not that they were being overly inconspicuous}

"Dude!!! You're British!!" Egotistical-Hero-Ficus-Man said with excessive punctuation.

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed."

"Say some more stuff!" The overly energetic American clapped his hands in enthusiasm {although he still remained poorly hidden behind the ficus}.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"YAY!!"

"Stop harassing the poor guy," Evil Director said. "He obviously doesn't want to put up with your stupidity."  
"But his accent-"

"Yeah, his accent is sexy. GET OVER IT."

Silence.

"Don't make me hit you with Happy Caterer's frying pan."

Both the ficus and Eyebrows Caterer were suddenly afraid.

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**A/N: **Sorry about the crappy omake...I thought the story was just waaaay too short. T.T

...I wonder what the other car rides on Hungary's "Top 5 Most Awkward Car Rides" list are...

AND CLIFFHANGER!! GASP!

Next chapter will be Gilbo again! He'll help us understand what happened ;) I've started writing it and I love it already! I'm hoping that it'll be longer than these two, since I'm on spring break right now and have more time to kill by writing! I've discovered that I like Gilbo's POV a lot...maybe it's just because chapter three is turning out so well, but w/e. Chapter four will be Hungary again...yes, they'll end up alternating the whole time.

Also - I have a question for you guys! Are there any other characters you wanna see in here? All the characters I plan on using have been introduced...although I may slip the Baltic Nations in eventually. But if there's anyone you wanna see, review and tell me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Boring stuff before the actual story:**

Rated: T for Gilbo's bad mouth xD

Pairings: main - Austria/Hungary, Prussia/Hungary; side - US/UK, Germany/Italy, {possible}Russia/Belarus, {possible}Spain/Romano, France/Canada, Switzerland/Liechtenstein (-gasp- how could I forget them?)

Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia, but I do own the Fail!rap

A/N: I feel like it took me forever to update T.T But this chapter is longer, so that makes up for it. Right?

Back in Gilbo's POV! I had way too much fun with this.

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March 7, 20XX – weekend weekend weekend

So it's Friday. There were a bunch of weird caterers at work today. Evil Boss almost took me out with a frying pan. Damn…she must play baseball or something. But it's a dumb sport anyway, so she probably does.

Yeahhhhh. So I'm actually NOT WORKING this weekend. This is gonna be awesome. It's 4 PM, I'm off work _and_ kicking virtual ass in COD. Life is awesome.

_Later_

5 PM. I'm bored. West won't answer his phone. He probably forgot how to use it.

_Later_

Bored bored bored bored. Damn, my life sucks. It's Friday night and I have nothing to do. Hopefully the pizza gets here soon. I want pizza. Pizza is good. I'm gonna eat a fucking large pizza ALL BY MYSELF. Hah. Take that, West. You never believed I could.

_Later_

PIZZA!!

_Later_

Oh…my…God. I'm such an awesome idiot. 3 cans of Bud Light and a large pizza {with sausage, anchovies, and potato! Awesomest pizza ever!!} wasn't a good idea. I'm NOT telling West. He'd never let me forget it. He never lets me forget anything. Not even my car keys. He's so annoying, but at least he doesn't hit me with a frying pan.

IDEA!!! I'll call Evil Boss and annoy the shit outta her!

_Later_

That was almost as bad an idea as the pizza. She didn't answer the first ten times I called, then she finally picked up and cussed me out worse than West does when he's drunk. Damn, why can't she be a normal Hollywood girl who's hot and only thinks about stupid stuff and worships my awesome?

I'll make Evil Boss worship me. Good, now I have a quest for the weekend. MUAHAHA!

_Later_

8 PM. I called Francis 'cause I was bored.

Francis: _Bonjour_, Gilbert…

Me: Yo. What's up?

Francis: Nothing is "up", Gilbert. Stop talking to me and go back to being "amazing" or whatever you tend to do.

Me: It's "awesome", not amazing. Get it right.

Francis: Has anyone ever told you how absolutely annoying you are?  
Me: Yeah.

He didn't say anything for a while.

Me: You still there?

Francis: Yes, Gilbert, I am still here.

Me: I'm bored.

Francis: I hadn't noticed.

Me: Wanna, like, hang out or something?  
Francis: Not particularly.

Me: Aw, c'mon! It'll be fun!

Francis: Fine. Since it seems that I have nothing else to-

Me: Awesome! This weekend, I'm gonna make Evil Boss worship me, and you're gonna help!

Francis: …how?

Me: Well, I was thinkin' that since everyone likes rap stars, we're gonna be rappers!

Francis: That's highly undignified, Gilbert. I'm very sorry, but-

Me: Just think of all the fangirls…and boys, Francis!

Francis: Fine.

Me: Dude, this is so awesome! I'm coming to your place, okay? And I'm gonna bring a friend of mine.

So I hung up and now I'm off to fetch Antonio and stuff. Prepare to worship me, Evil Boss! PREPARE!

_**March 8, 20XX – I am so awesome…like you didn't know that.**_

Things about today that already suck:

1. Hangover – I HAZ IT

2. Lack of sleep – I HAZ IT

3. Talking/writing in LOLspeak - …I HAZ IT

I just got back to my place after chillin' with Francis and Antonio last night…God, I really need to sleep but I better write all this down before I forget it.

So I picked up Antonio and he wouldn't shut up about how a Prius is a girly car and it's American and why the hell am I driving an American car? I ignored him and instead explained what Francis and I had planned. Apparently, Antonio now believes I'm in love with Evil Boss. What an idiot.

We got to Francis' at about 8:30, and then Antonio told me that he was _Francis' _agent too. So I was all jazzed that someone important had discovered my talent {and agreed with my taste in beer} and that I wouldn't have to do any awkward introductions. After Francis finally let us in, we went off to start being awesome rappers and stuff.

Francis is such an important guy around here that he was apparently able to get some "musical equipment" delivered to his house in 30 FREAKIN' MINUTES. Antonio was all like, "Why the hell do we have 'musical equipment' when we are not making music?" I told him to shut the fuck up.

We tried to write a song together, but it didn't really work, since all Francis wanted to write about was sex, and all Antonio wanted to write about was tomatoes or something stupid like that, and neither of them thought my awesomeness was awesome enough to write a song about. So we decided to screw the songwriting and skip to the fun part – well, the second most fun part after being famous.

That would be naming the band and stuff. After much debate, we decided to call ourselves "The Bad Touch Trio." It was, obviously, _my_ awesome idea {no matter what Francis and Antonio say}.

Finally, at about midnight, we finally had a song. I wasn't sure about the overuse of the word "yo", but we called Alfred and he said that's what everyone did. He even wrote the song for us. I'm sure he's gonna make us pay for it on Monday, but what the hell. Here it is:

Yo I'm awesome yo!

I got the beat yo!

Gonna move like yo,

Down on da flo,

Movin' like yo yo yo.

The girls they all want mo mo mo

When they see me dancin' on da flo flo flo.

YO!

I got mad skillz

Like that yo!

When I do it like that yo!

They all go crazy want mo!

That's how I do it yo!

They say all ya need to rap

Is pretty cool name and sideways hat.

Well it takes skill to be as legit as me,

Ya gotta move like yo yo yo.

So I rock this jam

Like a can of spam.

This is hot yo!

Get it on yo!

I want mo mo mo

Down on da flo!

Gotta move move move like yo yo yo.

You lame, girl!

You'll never move like me,

'Cause you gotta move like yo yo yo.

It's longer than it looks 'cause there's some repeated parts and music parts and more overuse of the word "yo".

Francis was able to hook us up with a guy who would do the recording and stuff the next day {aka today}, so we decided to take a break and go to our favorite bar. You know, the one with the caterers. Antonio kept hitting on Angry Caterer, which made him even angrier. That's the last thing I remember other than waking up at Francis' with all my clothes still on {thank God}.

And now I am going to get some sleep before our recording session. I have to look my awesomest, you know.

_Later – or is it tomorrow?_

That took so much longer than I expected.

Francis came to my house at about noon, in his limo, with Antonio already in the back. We then drove to the recording studio, which was really fancy and modern and stuff. There was even this hot secretary who I _swear_ was hitting on me. Being awesome is so awesome.

We spent almost the entire afternoon singing – rapping – and being told how much we sucked. But then Mr. Producer Man was telling us how to fix it and after a few hours and pressing some buttons on a computer, our song sounded good. Like really good. As in _awesome_ good.

Then Mr. Producer Man decided to start us on our music video! That took a long time, too. We had to have costumes and makeup {totally not awesome} and shit, but I have to admit, I looked pretty sexy when it was over with. Then we had to lip-synch to our song and follow some impromptu choreography, which had apparently been thought of while we were recording. This guy worked fast {inspired by a fear of Francis, I'm sure}.

After we were done with that, Francis had Antonio and I dropped off at our houses. I was exhausted. I'm pretty sure that it was Sunday morning by the time I pulled up my email and saw Mr. Producer Man had left me a message, with a link to our video {like I said, fast worker} that we could show our friends and a note saying that he would get to work on advertising immediately.

Eager to share my awesome with the whole world, I logged on to Facebook and put the link as my status. Then I noticed that someone had sent me a friend request – that someone being Evil Boss.

I accepted {although I wasn't grinning evilly or ecstatically…hell, I wasn't even grinning}, and saw that she'd also sent me a message.

_This isn't because I like you or anything. Lilli asked me why I didn't have very many friends, so I added pretty much the whole cast. Don't feel special about it and DEFINITELY don't make me regret this._

I replied:

_Lol ur rly funny lizzy can i call u that? oh hey btw check out this vid me francis and antonio made its rly good we're gonna b rappers lol bet u didn't expect that huh lizzy. [LINK] this is the vid its rly awesome isn't it but not as awesome as me i kno. Hey if u wanna hang out sometime im bored this weekend but don't bring ur frying pan cuz that thing hurts like hell_

Satisfied, I sent it. She replied quicker than I'd thought:

_My God, Gilbert…why can't you SPELL?? Or use punctuation? Stop acting like an idiot for once!_

_ And I watched your stupid music video. It sucks. Did you guys make it in like less than 12 hours or something? You guys can't rap. And I hate rap. Oh, and please explain to me WHY THE HELL YOU'RE SHIRTLESS!!_

_ No, I don't want to hang out with you. Ever. You little creeper._

My reply:

_wat? i think i spell just fine. look i used a period c im so awesome. and y r u hatin' on my vid? i think its pretty damn good. and yeah we made it rly fast aren't u proud of me? :) and i'm shirtless cuz im hot duh {i kno u were diggin me lizzy}. all good gangsta rappers r hot cuz the girls worship them ya kno? hey lizzy u can b my fangirl if u want. __and we don't have to hang out that's kool. _

I thought that was a really subtle response and stuff with the whole thing about worshipping rappers and all. But then Evil Boss replied:

_Whatever. I'm just not gonna argue with you ._

_ I'm not "hatin'", Gilbert. I'm just telling the truth. So stop whining. And I wasn't "diggin'" you, either. You're also not a "gangsta rapper". You're much too white. I think a rapper should at least be able to tan. _

_ NO. I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR FANGIRL. AND GOOD. I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU._

I seriously don't know what I keep doing to piss her off. Seriously, she needs to take anger management courses or something.

_ok ok im sry if i made u mad i just wanted to sho u my vid. and i don't kno y ur bein so mean its not my fault im albino and more awesome than u. that rly wasn't kool lizzy ur gonna make me cry :'( and btw i was just tryin 2 b funny so stop bein so mean k?? plz don't be mad lizzy i dun wanna die_

Okay…well this is gonna sound so totally un-awesome, but her little joke about me being really white kinda hurt. God, that sounds so gay…but, seriously, does she really need to bring that up?

I'm stopping now. I need sleep.

_**March 9, 20XX – Chillin' with Lizzy, cuz I'm awesome**_

I woke up at like noon again today. Yayyyyyy weekend!

So I totally had nothing to do. Seriously. Nothing awesome enough for my awesome was going on. _So _not awesome!

I got on Facebook {my new obsession, besides beer and bugging West…oh, and COD too} and decided to see if anyone else was on, especially Francis or Antonio. But Antonio's probably still asleep and I don't even want to know what Francis is doing.

The only people on the chat list were some random people that I don't actually know, plus Evil Boss and Lilli. This was a perfect opportunity to annoy my favorite dictator wannabe.

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt:** hola lizzy

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry:**…hi v.v

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: wats uppp?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: nothin.

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: lol lizzy there's gotta b somethin up

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: well there isn't

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: o rly?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: yes _really _now go away

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: the excessive letters aren't helping anything

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: that didnt even make since lizzy wtf?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**:-sighs- i'm not even gonna bother

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: … ok

_2:34_

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: soooooo…

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: so what? go play farmville or something and stop bugging me

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: u could just get off if u dun wanna talk u kno

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: oh and i dun play farmville i only play legit games like mafia wars

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: dude all those games are stupid

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: no they arent imma beast at mafia wars

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: what did that have to do with anything?

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: idk im just rly good that game

_2:36_

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: dude i just looked at both farmville and mafia wars for the first time in my life, and i would love to know why you're on level 32 on farmville and level 7 on mafia wars

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: i used to play farmville alot b4 but nao i play mafia wars and i just started playing it so im not rly good yet

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: …but you just said you were a "beast" at mafia wars…

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: duh thats cuz i am

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: but then why'd you say that you're not really good yet

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: cuz im awesome

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: so you're obviously lying about something

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: no im not lizzy y wud i lie

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: -rolls eyes- whatever

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: c my logic is 2 awesome 4 u

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: no its not. you don't even have logic

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: lizzyyyyy :'( ur makin me cry

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: shut up

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah im cryin c?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: god, gilbert, stop being so immature

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: only if u promise 2 hang out w/ me 2day

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: wtf?

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: hang out w/ me and ill stop bein "immature"

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: what made you suggest this?

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: i just wanna hang w/ u lizzy is that a problem?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: …i guess not

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: ill even wear my gangsta rapper stuff 4 u

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: i kno u wanna c that 4 real

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: um, no, i actually don't

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: ur makin me cry again

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: fine. will you leave me alone on monday if i come over?

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: yeah sure w/e

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: ok fine i'll be there in like fifteen minutes

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: yayyyyyy!

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: oh and don't wear your "gangsta" stuff

**Gilbert Awesome ****Beilschmidt**: u sure?

**Elizaveta ****H****é****dev****á****ry**: yes. now shut up.

Yeah, so she got off after that and I decided it would be a good idea to get dressed, so I did. Then I ordered another pizza and (stupidly) called Francis and Antonio and ordered them to come over too, since I needed backup if Evil Boss got violent.

And of course, the first thing Francis says when he walks in the door is, "Of course, you will need us to come with you two on your first date to ensure your survival."

God, sometimes I don't know if putting up with his comments and perverted-ness is actually worth it.

So the pizza and Antonio showed up at pretty much the same time. Thankfully he'd brought another case of beer, 'cause I was almost out. And Evil Boss _still_ wasn't there. I was getting tired of ignoring Francis' comments on how my girlfriend totally ditched me. Dating Evil Boss… I seriously don't want to think about that.

Finally, she showed up, looking even more pissed than usual when she saw Francis and Antonio. I think she's jealous that she has to share my awesome with them. Francis made some comment about her hoodie that she's always wearing – seriously, it's black and says something in huge letters on the front and is way too big for her. She looks almost as bad as that hobo kid that stops by the studio for lunch every day.

So, Francis was being an idiot and Evil Boss almost murdered him but then Antonio, completely oblivious, offered her a beer, which was probably a bad idea, because she actually accepted. She's not a girl, I swear. Seriously, what kind of girl beats Antonio in a drinking contest?

It was really weird hanging out with her, because once she started her second beer, she was totally not so evil. Well, she still kept attacking Francis when he tried to hit on her, but still, she wasn't attacking _me_!

I'd say there was an improvement.

After we were all sufficiently less drunk, me, Francis, and Antonio decided to go to the studio again to do some more rap star stuff. So we dragged Evil Boss along with us. That was when she looked pissed again.

At the studio, we worked on some stuff to advertise our song, while Evil Boss stood next to a potted plant and texted people. I thought she looked bored, so I went over and talked to her. It was really awkward. Like, ya know:

ME: So…what's up?  
E.B.: Nothing.

ME: Awesome.

And she starts texting again.

ME: Who're you texting?  
E.B.: Lilli.

ME: Awesome.

And… she's texting again.

ME: What're you guys talking about?  
E.B.: None of your business.

ME: You can talk to me too.

E.B.: Shut up.

ME: No.

Evil Boss just rolled her eyes and kept texting. So, after a few more attempts like this, I offered to give her a ride home. She refused and texted Lilli again. I felt like annoying her, so I totally stole her phone when she wasn't looking. Apparently, Evil Boss had just sent a message that said: "_Yeah I know he's rly cute_"

So I was like, "Who's cute, Lizzy?"

"Shut up."  
"Who?"  
"Gilbert!"

"ME? AWESOME!"

"No, you idiot! Not you! Give me back my phone!"  
I was holding it over my head now. "Nope! Not until you tell me who it is!"

She looked like she was contemplating a life or death situation, so I took this opportunity to look through her other messages. I guess I didn't need her help, because I found out that "he" was Roderich.

Oh my God, I was laughing so hard until Evil Boss came over, punched me in the face, kicked me in that special place, and took her phone back before leaving. That was funny too, so I kept laughing even harder. Everyone else probably thought I was a total masochist.

Nothing else interesting really happened, so I eventually went home and ate the leftover pizza for dinner. I tried to talk to Lizzy on Facebook.

She cussed me out and got off.

Damn… tomorrow's gonna be interesting.

* * *

**A/N: **Like I said, _way_ too much fun.

I know it's probably physically impossible to record a song and a music video in one day, but I couldn't resist the idea of the Trio as rappers. And yeah, the idea is soooo random but whatever. This is Prussia, France, and Spain we're talking about! xD

The other day, I was randomly listening to Rockstar by Nickelback, and I was like "-gasp- BAD TOUCH TRIO!!!" It...fits them.

Okay, so I totally want a gangsta rapper Prussia, a sparkly Ivan, and an Italy. Curse the fourth wall.

Oh, and we must not forget Gilbo's chatspeak. Word hated me for doing it (stupid Christmas-colored squigglies). I found it unduly amusing.

KK IMMA SHUT UP NAO.

-shot-


End file.
